“Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line.” (Lucille Ball)

I have always struggled with the concept that I need to love myself. I have realised more and more that this is true, necessary and life-changing. When we accept this and put it into practice, it has a profound effect on how we experience our lives with the result we are both happier and calmer. I have found – it is true – it starts with us…

So why is self-love so important?

Self-love is the foundation for a happier, healthier, and more fulfilling life. When you love yourself, you're better equipped to handle life's challenges because you approach them with a sense of confidence and resilience. It gives you the ability to forgive yourself for mistakes and keep moving forward, rather than being weighed down by guilt or self-doubt. When you prioritize self-love, you're essentially building an emotional safety net that supports you during tough times.

It’s also crucial for forming strong, healthy relationships. When you value yourself, you’re more likely to set boundaries and avoid toxic dynamics. Self-love helps you recognize your worth, so you don’t settle for less than you deserve. And the best part? Loving yourself inspires others to do the same. You set an example of self-respect and confidence that can influence those around you in a positive way.

Self-love is the key to pursuing your dreams and passions. It enables you to believe in your abilities and push through fear or self-doubt. When you genuinely love and accept who you are, you start to see yourself as capable and deserving of success and happiness. It’s not just a feel-good sentiment—it’s an essential tool for living your best life. Every step you take toward self-love is a step toward a brighter, more empowered future

Is it selfish to love yourself?

Quite often my clients will say it is selfish to think about themselves and love themselves. Not at all! Loving yourself isn’t selfish; it’s one of the best things you can do, not just for you but for the people around you. Think about it—when you treat yourself with kindness, forgiveness, and respect, you’re basically setting the standard for how others should treat you too. When your cup is full, you’ve got more to give to others. It’s like that airline rule about putting your oxygen mask on first—you can’t help anyone else if you’re gasping for air. Self-love is survival, not selfishness.

There’s this weird myth floating around that loving yourself automatically makes you arrogant or self-centred, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Loving yourself doesn’t mean thinking you’re perfect or better than everyone else; it means accepting who you are, flaws and all. It’s about cheering yourself on, even on the days when life feels like a losing game. When you’re cool with yourself, you don’t need to constantly seek validation from others or put anyone down to feel better about who you are.

This world can be tough. If you’re not rooting for yourself, who will? Loving yourself gives you the strength to bounce back from setbacks and the confidence to chase what matters to you. It’s the foundation for healthy relationships, big dreams, and a life that feels good to live. So, no, it’s not selfish—it’s essential. Loving yourself isn’t just a favour to you; it’s a gift to the world because a happy, self-assured person has so much light to share.

Why don't people love themselves?

There are all sorts of reasons why people struggle to love themselves, and a lot of them stem from the world we live in and the experiences we have. For starters, society often bombards us with unrealistic standards—perfect appearances, perfect achievements, perfect lives. It’s everywhere: in advertisements, social media, even in the way people talk. When you're constantly comparing yourself to an ideal that isn’t even real, it’s easy to feel like you’re not enough. That feeling of “not enough” can create a huge roadblock to self-love.

Another big reason is the experiences people go through. Negative childhood experiences, toxic relationships, bullying—these things can leave scars that make people doubt their worth. If you've been told over and over that you're not good enough, even if it's untrue, it can be hard to shake that belief and see yourself in a positive light. Sometimes people internalize criticism or rejection and carry those feelings with them, making it tough to embrace who they truly are.

Then there’s the issue of self-judgment. People can be their own harshest critics, focusing on what they think are their flaws while ignoring their strengths. It’s like magnifying every mistake and minimizing every accomplishment. Self-love requires balance—it’s okay to acknowledge your imperfections, but it's also crucial to celebrate your wins. Breaking free from all that negativity takes time, awareness, and effort, but it’s so worth it when people finally learn to embrace themselves. Everyone deserves their own kindness.

How can people learn to love themselves?

Learning to love yourself is a journey, and it often starts with small steps. One of the most important things is to change the way you talk to yourself. Pay attention to your inner voice—if it's full of criticism, try replacing it with more compassionate and positive thoughts. Treat yourself like you would a good friend. If a friend made a mistake, you wouldn’t tear them down; you'd encourage them and remind them of their strengths. That same kindness is what you deserve from yourself.

Another key step is practicing self-care. This doesn’t mean just bubble baths and spa days (though those are great, too!). Self-care can be as simple as eating healthy, getting enough sleep, setting boundaries, exercise, or taking time for hobbies you enjoy. It’s about recognizing your needs and making them a priority. When you take care of your physical and emotional health, it’s easier to feel good about yourself and nurture that sense of self-love.

Lastly, remind yourself of your worth every day. Celebrate your wins, no matter how small they seem—finished a project? Amazing. Got out of bed on a tough day? That’s a win too. Focus on what makes you unique and what you bring to the world. Surround yourself with people who uplift you and avoid environments that make you feel less than. With patience, effort, and a lot of self-compassion, loving yourself becomes not just possible but natural. It’s a gift you can give yourself, and it’s worth every bit of work.

A quick tip: "Look into a mirror, make eye contact with yourself, and say ‘I love me’ as many times as possible during the day." (Wayne Dyer)