One of the areas I am keen to support with, is a client’s self-worth and self-esteem.  I have lived with low self-esteem for a lot of my life, and recognise the negative effects it has had on me, on my self-worth and wellbeing. So, when I read the report by  The Children’s Society on children’s wellbeing (The Good Childhood Report – 2024 https://www.childrenssociety.org.uk/good-childhood) where they have found that ‘too many young people are unhappy with their lives’, I started to reflect on how many people live their lives with low self-esteem and therefore low levels of happiness and wellbeing. I wonder if this same survey was completed by adults, would it also have similar insights. And so hence this blog, exploring self-esteem.

My goal for my clients is for them to have the self-esteem to believe what Avril Lavigne sums up so eloquently “Why should I care what other people think of me? I am who I am. And who I wanna be.” It is not an easy journey to change our low self-esteem to strong self-esteem but one I believe is so important for us all.

The Children’s Society Report explain wellbeing meaning different things to different people. They tell us that it comprises of our thoughts and feelings alongside the sense of meaning we have in our lives with regards to happiness, health money, school, family and job prospects. They surveyed around 2000 10–17-year-olds. Sadly, most of the scores compared to the same survey conducted in 2009/10 reflect that happiness within this group of young people have decreased. On a positive note, happiness with family has remained the same – however young people are reporting less happiness with life as a whole, with friends, with appearance, with school and with schoolwork. Their data also shows a further alarming concern where girls are significantly less happy on average than boys.

It is an interesting read and has made me think about my previous role in education and the impact a school has, and I had on children’s wellbeing and happiness.

In my experience a child’s happiness and their wellbeing is complex and has many contributing factors. However, two factors for me that have always stood out are a child’s sense of self-worth alongside their feelings of self-esteem. Self- worth tends to come from within and is our belief in our value as a person and self-esteem describes how you feel about yourself, about your traits and abilities and is affected often from outside influences.  I have witnessed many children who have low self-worth and low self-esteem and the direct impact it then has on their wellbeing and overall happiness and their heightened levels of worry and anxiety.

When self-esteem is strong, you live life with less stress, less comparison to others and can accept yourself for who you are, believing you are good enough. Sometimes maintaining a strong self-esteem can be tricky when you are up against social media and in this world which is competitive and with its demands of ‘perfection’ but it is so important to hang in there and keep believing in you – for the sake of your happiness and wellbeing.

When your self-esteem is low, you live a life not believing in yourself, believing you have no value and are not good enough, you become extremely unhappy and anxious. You may try to mask this in many ways – take risks which you know are unhealthy, take the lead in activities/jokes/teasing/bullying to get the biggest laugh or hide yourself away, or say to the world ’Yes, everything is fine! Yes, that’s fine!’ You lack the confidence to make your own decisions, you cannot see your abilities and talents, you become removed/quiet/passive/reluctant in sharing your thoughts and ideas because you believe others are more worthy, you believe your mistakes define you, that of course you will fail because that is who you are, you don’t look after yourself because who would care about you anyway and you hate how you behave and look. Really, what is the point, you think.

HOWEVER - your self-esteem should be looked after, treasured, nurtured and loved. Lots of things can cause low self-esteem and it can happen at any time in your life. You might experience problems at school, bullying, trauma, abuse or neglect, relationship or friendship issues, exam stress, health problems, social media influences, friends or family pressures, discrimination and money worries. If you are reading this and thinking I would like to improve my self-esteem, why not try some of the following:

Set small goals - achieving small goals can show you how capable you are. It could be trying a new hobby, wearing something new, or just getting dressed for the day. Try to always celebrate your wins and give yourself the credit you deserve.

Do things you enjoy - whether it is drawing, playing sport, or going for a walk, doing the things you love can help you relax and feel good.

Surround yourself with the right people - low self-esteem can sometimes come from people making negative comments and how they treat you. Have a think about how those around you make you feel, are their opinions, facts? Spend more time with the people who lift you up instead and make you feel good inside.

Challenge your negative thoughts about yourself and think more positively about yourself – ask yourself: What negative things do I think about myself? When did I start thinking this way? What happened to make me think this way? And challenge them, reframe them eg, if you feel like you’ve failed when things don’t go perfectly, instead try thinking, "I did okay," or "It didn’t go as planned, but I got through it." This takes the pressure off needing to be perfect.

Focus on the positives - write down your best feature, a compliment you received, a kind thing you did for someone, or something that made you feel good. These can be small, everyday things like when you felt good in an outfit or when you shared your thoughts in class. They might seem like small things, but they can help you see the good things about yourself and why people appreciate you. Keep these handy to re-read when negative thoughts creep in.

Be kind to yourself like you would a friend - if a friend was struggling with these negative thoughts, what advice would you give them? Think about how you would help them to feel better and treat yourself with the same kindness.

Try the inner-child visualisation technique - talking to your 'inner child' can be a powerful way to see the good in yourself and release negative feelings.

This advice from Eleanor Roosevelt “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent’ is now a mantra for how I try to live my life – I am curious, what do you think? Is this advice true?